Discipline
Instead of going into fine detail here and writing a 6 page post, I’m just going to give you the main points, then give you some links for further reading.
What is discipline?
Discipline is the training of the mind and body. Often with respect to learning rules and codes, there is punishment for not behaving.
In the family it is often the job of the parents to make sure that the child is taught how to function as a member of our society.
How does that work?
First, you need to have some family rules. A few rules that are specific and easy to understand, posted in an obvious place would be a good place to start. You can always add to them if you need to.
Young children don’t know what is and isn’t okay unless you tell them. And better to tell them early on before there is a problem then in a huff when they’ve done something wrong.
Be the person you want your children to be.
As we all know, or eventually discover, children copy what they see. So if they see you being nice to people, and resolving your issues calmly, they will be more likely to do so. If they see you having a fit when something doesn’t go your way, guess what they’re going to do.
I’ve heard of negative consequences, but what are positive consequences?
Negative consequences include things such as ignoring, distraction, loss of privileges, natural consequences, and time out. Natural consequences are things like leaving the bike out to get run over so no more bike, and tracking mud in the house and having to clean it up.
Negative consequences are more commonly thought of in discipline, and most people know how they work. (Although some of them can be trickier than you think, especially time out, so please look up the tips for doing this correctly.) Positive consequences, however, are probably more effective, and are more pleasant all around. This is when you catch your child doing something good. Tell them they did good sitting still while in church. Tell them putting their shoes away when they walked in the house was wonderful. Kids want to hear this, they want your attention, and will repeat the behaviors that caused you to react like that. Spend extra time with them for a reward as well as an actual material thing, eg. read an extra book at bedtime, or go to a movie together.
Remember that child brains change as they age.
An infant obviously doesn’t understand what’s going on around them, but they can learn to self soothe. A one to two year old doesn’t quite understand you telling them not to do something so you need to remove them from the situation. A two to three year old has all sort of emotions that is hard for them to contain, so they need help with that. An older child is better able to understand rules, but may not be able to reason well enough to make good decisions. A teenager is trying to become their own person, so you have to be able to let them make their own decisions while keeping the rules consistent.
Okay, so what else is important?
Be CONSISTENT, and be strong. Follow through with what you say. I know it’s a pain to walk out of a store when you’ve just gotten there, but if you said if your child whines you would leave, then you need to leave. If you said no sucker if they kicked someone at the doctor, don’t give them a sucker if they kick someone. Especially don’t give in because they’re whining or acting worse because that just teaches them that escalating the behavior gets them what they want.
Don’t change the rules randomly.
Kids need a solid base where they can feel safe while learning about and exploring the world. Loving, solid, consistent discipline will provide this for them.
Links.
Discipline at Healthy Children.org
Age related discipline article.
Age related discipline article.
