The last weeks have been very hard for a lot of people.  Uncertainty of the future of our society, fear for the health and lives of loved ones, loss of income, and severely restricted social life has all made our lives completely different in a short time.  How do you get your kids through this time intact?

Step 1.  Don’t panic.

In any crisis the first step is to not panic.  You can’t help yourself, and certainly can’t help anyone else if you or your brain is running around screaming about the sky falling.  Also, panic is part of the ‘flight or fight’ response, so your body prepares by releasing chemicals that raise your heart rate and blood pressure, blood sugars and fats to prepare you for whatever the emergency will be.  This is fine in the short term, but long term it leads to damage to the heart and blood vessels and weight gain, among other things. Finally, if you are only focusing on what’s making you panic, your ability to properly focus and take care of your children is hindered.

Children, no matter their age, are in tune with their caregivers.  So if you are panicking, they will be too. Again, continual stress can lead to long term physical and mental problems.

So, stop listening to the scaremongers on Facebook, or twitter, or whatever talk show you’re glued to.  Find yourself one or two accurate sources of information and stick with those, but only check them a few times a day for short periods.  Focus on something else.   

If you need to, find someone to talk to.  Many counselors and psychiatrists are doing online sessions, and there are even people whose whole practice is online.  You might check with your priest, pastor, or other faith leader for help. Write a diary about your thoughts and fears, just to get them out.  There are many ways to deal with stress and panic.

*Link: Understanding the stress response.

Step 2. Be calm.

If you are calm, then your children can also be calm and have confidence in you.  It’s definitely not easy, but is a skill you can learn. 

 You can find an accurate, non-sensational source for information.  The CDC is one place. If you’ve read my blog before, you’ll note I get a lot of information from there because it is generally accurate (with references), and if biased it’s more toward science.  Yes, they can make mistakes because it’s run by humans, and humans make mistakes, but they keep it as up to date as possible. And remember, limit your time on the coronavirus – ten minutes, twice a day should be all you need.    

Find something else to focus on.  You may be stuck in your home, but there’s always something else to focus on.  Your child, your pets, the dust bunnies under the furniture, your yard if you have one all are things that may need your attention.  Not to mention the myriad museums, national parks, historical sites, and others that are allowing free virtual visits.  

Learn about yoga, meditation, and other practices that will help you activate the parts of your body and brain that help you be calm.  Prayer, even in groups on zoom, can also be helpful. Many places are offering free online classes or sessions on Facebook or youtube.  

*Link: Twisted Tortoise yoga. (Disclosure: this is my sister.  She’s really good, and her voice is quite calming.)

Step 3.  Go back to the basics.

In any crisis situation always go back to the basics.  It helps keep you from becoming overwhelmed, and reminds you of what’s important.  In medicine we have the ABC’s – Airway, Breathing, Circulation. If everything is crazy and the brain is scattered, focusing on the basics reminds us what’s important.

In this case, the basics are food, water, and shelter.  Shelter is, of course, wherever you’re currently staying.  It could be a small apartment, or a large farm. Hopefully, it has access to a good water supply, as most do in the US.  If not, then you can get large bottles of water from many different stores or water delivery companies. Or you can get a filter to use with your water to improve its taste – eg. Brita.  

Food is still available in stores, although with some of the hoarders, there may not be the most tasty of products left.  Although it does seem that as the days go on, more items are being restocked. When you are able to have a choice of products, make sure you get more than snacks.  This is more of a marathon than a quick race, so supplying your body with good food will make you feel better, and stop you from taking in extra calories. 

Places to get help with the basics would be local churches, shelters, and food banks.  For those who are dependent on the school lunch program, many local schools are still continuing that in some way, so check with your local school.  Many restaurants are also offering free lunches for children, so just check around. 

*Link: Eating right during covid-19.

Step 4. Make a schedule.

Make an hourly schedule and post it on the fridge.  Children do better with schedules, they help them know what’s expected of them and what’s going to be happening.  It also helps you to structure your day so you’re able to get to the things that need to be done each day. For many people a schedule is more familiar, and will help them feel a little better with the current uncertainty.

The first thing on the schedule should be getting up and getting ready like you would normally do.  Most experienced work from home people agree that this is important to making a productive day. 

Make time for meals and a healthy snack.

School and work are important, but don’t feel that you have to spend 8 hours doing them.  Kids aren’t made to focus that long, especially the younger ones. A good start is half an hour with twenty minutes of playtime until the next session.  Also, education can be fun, it doesn’t have to be doing worksheets. Cooking is a version of math and chemistry. Yard work is botany. Geography and many of the sciences can be looking at all the gorgeous national parks and historical sites that have been opened up online.  If you don’t have a good imagination, FaceBook certainly does. I’ve been posting activities and learning opportunities on my FaceBook as often as I see them. 

Non school activities in the afternoon can give you and your child time to relax and let go.  Some physical activity such as a walk, a bike ride (keeping space between you and anyone else), or even jumping jacks and running in place in a small apartment can be good.  A little more screen time than usual is fine, but make sure they use it well. Including video visits in some of that screen time can help with feelings of isolation for your child and their friends or family that they are talking with.  

Finally, make sure everyone has a regular bedtime.  This is part of having a regular schedule, and tempers are generally better during the day when they have had enough sleep. 

*Link: Working and learning from home during covid-19.

Step 5.  It’s okay to have a ‘day off.’

Just like you would have a weekend during a regular week, it’s okay to take a day or two off as a weekend.  Especially if you’ve been working a lot of hours during the week, it gives you time to relax, and the children time with you.  If you need time away from the children, that’s fine too. 

*Link: Positive parenting and covid-19: 10 tips to help keep the calm at home. 

Step 6.  What about medical care?

Your pediatrician is still there, available for calls and appointments.  We are still doing well checks, as it’s important to continue to keep children up to date on immunizations.  To keep you safe we often have different waiting rooms, are timing appointments so that the well children are not in contact with the sick, and may only let one family member in the clinic so the waiting rooms aren’t full.  We are carefully cleaning our clinics and rooms, wearing masks when appropriate, and screening patients for travel history before they come and temperature when they are here. Make sure you call your clinic before your appointment because procedures may have changed.  

Many of us have also started doing some telemedicine.  This is not appropriate for every type of problem, but it may be, and can keep you from having to come to the clinic.  Through the pandemic, your pediatrician may use facetime, Facebook messenger video, zoom, or other programs to connect with you visually or by phone for an appointment.  Many of us are trying this for the first time, so please have some patience. 

Step 7. Stay safe.

We are social distancing for not only our health, but for that of our fellow citizens.  Remember that there are people out there especially at risk: older people; and adults and children with asthma, diabetes, cancer, and many other chronic issues.  It’s not a game, it’s not a hoax, it’s real. Wash your hands. Teach your kids to wash their hands. Keep everyone safe together.