Bullying
Bullying has long been thought to be a typical school thing that children go through, it was good for them, it helped them be strong, if they can’t handle it then too bad, it doesn’t hurt anyone. But it doesn’t make kids strong, and it does hurt them.
Definition of bullying.
The CDC defines it as any unwanted aggressive behavior(s) by another youth or group of youths, who are not siblings or current dating partners, involving an observed or perceived power imbalance. These behaviors are repeated multiple times or are highly likely to be repeated.
What do you mean by behaviors?
There are multiple ways to bully someone, but they fall into a few different categories. Physical includes hitting someone, or throwing something at them. Verbal includes calling them names, leaving threats. Relational or social includes spreading rumors about a person, or purposely leaving them out of groups. And finally cyberbullying is anything done online.
How does bullying hurt people?
First of all, there’s the obvious physical risk. Punching, hitting, and kicking can lead to as little as nothing to as bad as broken bones. Being tripped can lead to all sorts of injuries including head injuries.
Secondly there are the less easily seen injuries to those who not only are bullied, but also the bullies and those who both bully and are bullied. Those include low self-worth, depression, anxiety, difficulty sleeping, and an increased risk of suicide. They also can start doing poorly in school, have decreased attendance, and not do as well on testing.
Bullying doesn’t just affect those who are involved. Kids who see others being bullied can have increased feelings of helplessness, less feelings of connection to school and responsible adults.
How do I help my kid when they’re being bullied?
First, talk to the principal of your child’s school. Hopefully they will be able to help with ways to help make the environment safer. Unfortunately there are still some schools that don’t take bullying seriously. In this case, you may just try for at least a seating position move or classroom change. I have had a few kids change schools or go to home schooling because of bullying. Unfortunately that doesn’t always work out since, unfortunately, bullies can be anywhere.
Kids who have a good support system are better able to deal with physical and emotional stress. Be sure that you as a parent are there for your child when they need to talk about the situation or even just a hug. See if your child has a particular teacher or support staff person at school that they can talk to when they have a need. Even one or two friends of the same age can help your child feel included if they’re good ones. Clubs or teams that your child can truly become involved in and happy with also provide good support.
For depression, anxiety, or other issues not helped with the above, counseling can be helpful. They can not only be a good listening ear for your child, but they can help your child develop tools and skills to help them in their daily life.
What if my child is the bully?
Bullies need help, too. In fact, bullies can also be bullied, sometimes even at home. They also need good support systems in place, as well as someone who will model good behavior. Training in problem solving skills, empathy, and similar skills can help them learn better ways of interacting with their peers. This can be done with counseling, or at school.
Problems at home or school, mental illness, lack of support structure can all trigger a child to act out, so make sure you talk with the child to see what the reason is for acting aggressively.
What else can I do?
Encourage your child to be a good example. If they see someone being bullied, make sure they feel comfortable saying something to you or another trusted adult. If they are exposed to other kids saying bad things about another child, give them some options for what to do about it. Encourage them to make friends, or at least interact with the little kid who gets bullied. Make sure they’re not the bully.
If your school doesn’t already have it, encourage them to put an anti-bullying program in place. There are evidence based programs available for schools that they can use to reduce the incidence of bullying and give children skills for life.
The cdc also recommends things such as after school programs, connecting kids with caring mentors, decreasing community violence, and engaging families in their child’s school.
Links
Bullying research and links at the CDC Violence Prevention section
